The way that Ava places her face on Bea’s neck
Oh, yeah! I was so focused on Bea during that, such a rule follower but still quietly defying Mother Superion enough to offer comfort to Ava, I wasn’t even really thinking about what that must have been like for Ava.
She turned into her so instinctively! Which doesn’t stand out until you remember she hasn’t touched anyone in years. She’s been touched by the orphanage nuns a bit but that’s quite different. She did hug Diego when she returned to visit, true, but that was a greeting, not seeking comfort like this. And like, not to go all Juliantina, but pressing her face into Bea’s neck for comfort, well. >_>
But really, it does say SO much that this person who has been so, so alone, and is suddenly battling so much, the weirdness of this all, being able to move and touch again, being out with people again, trying to balance being independent with not being so alone, and she’s still able to (correctly) identify that this quiet, restrained person will offer her solace. :’)
I can’t stop thinking about the line: “is everyone but you” or something like that. Beatrice ra lived in a world full of homophobia(including herself) and Ava change that. At least a little.
Hmm, but you know, Beatrice didn’t, like, know that Ava wouldn’t be homophobic, although it would of course been a relief to read that journal entry out loud and have Ava’s only response be, yeah, kick their ass!
I wonder if what initially drew her to Ava was how much of an outsider she was too, an outsider like Bea. Ava sat down next to her and spoke first, how much do you want to bet Bea’s own middle school experience (and after) wasn’t much better? As much as we can assume Camila and Mary and probably others knew, it didn’t seem to be the kind of thing people spoke about or reassured her on. In fact, that brings me to this ask by another anon:
WOW what a trip warrior nun was, I really hope it gets a second season! I ended up liking Bea/Ava way more than I thought I was. It’s so interesting how at the beginning of the show Mary berates Bea for being too ‘’cold’’ when she’s talking about Shan but then later on we see Bea and how she interacts with Ava and it’s totally the opposite (I get the feeling that Bea has a huge wall up and doesn’t really show affection towards anybody but now with Ava there she’s slowly beginning to with her)
That’s such a good observation, you can really sketch out Bea’s full characterization from just these few scenes. How much she tries to be perfect and follow the rules so–as she herself said–she can make up for her perceived flaws, so nobody has any reason to criticize her. And it absolutely would manifest as this wall between her and everyone, even as nice as Camila is, she’s a junior. In this all-woman environment she has to work even harder so there’s not even the suggestion of anything more, anything improper. As much as she really did love Shannon, she couldn’t ever show it in a way that’d imply anything like a crush, she always had to be distant and impersonal.
And then freaking Ava, so irreverent and with no boundaries just breaks through those walls. Like, the most physical contact she’ll allow herself with anybody is a shoulder touch:
And then when she offers the same thing to Ava, a comforting shoulder touch
Ava shocks her by leaning into a full body hug
Imagine the last time she had any kind of real physical contact! Even a normal gay adolescence makes you hyper aware of how you come across, but compare that to this environment, and the restrictions she placed on herself. First anon up there, you were right when you highlighted the “everyone but you” comment, because this I think is where Ava bulldozes through Bea’s walls and she’s like, oh. Ava just reached out to her when probably nobody else dares, following Bea’s own signals too, perhaps, but it must have meant so, so much to Bea.
And another anon:
I gotta say my absolute fav moment of the season has got to be when Ava and Bea were having their moment after reading Melanie’s story and Ava goes “What you are is beautiful” I mean can you imagine how mind blowing it mustve been for Bea to hear those words after having been told otherwise her whole life (no wonder she falls for Ava lol)
I wouldn’t normally have added another ask to what’s become such a long response already, but this fit so well. Like, yes, exactly, until this point, Ava’s approval is just implicit and assumed, but nothing could be stronger than that comment. And after everything, always striving to be perfect but in the background, loving so hard but having to hide it, what a comforting thing to hear. :’)
