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No dude lesbians being killed in tv and movies isn’t for straight ppl to learn anything. It’s out of homophobia and convenience. Easy kill for shock value after you’ve used them for the big sex scene or whatever. Or killing them because the gay character ‘deserves it’. Bly manor they treated Dani and Jamie with dignity. It’s a series where everyone suffered. And the strength of dani and Jamie’s love was inspiring.

Ah, well, call it benevolent homophobia then, and it certainly can be convenient, but the narrative is often too “Look how bad this is! Look how they struggle!” for me to think it’s all malicious intentional homophobia. And what confirms that is seeing the same for other marginalized groups, trauma porn to show how bad it was/is. 

I can believe that Dani and Jamie were treated well, I’m not debating that, but I’m sure there lesbian stories you hate out there where all the other characters suffered and where some lesbian viewers think they were handled with dignity. The POI fandom alone is pretty divided over that. It can be pretty relative but I’m not judging THOBM for it?

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Hey! Quick question :) does The Haunting of Bly Manor have any exorcism scenes? I want to watch it with my girl but she is not into exorcist/exorcism At All, and I want to make sure before I ask her to watch it with me

I want to make a narnia blog joke about this but really, anon, I’ve only ever posted how I’m not gonna watch it so I’m not really sure how you did pick on me to ask, heh. 

But I did ask my friend and she said, not really, “kind of” in ep 8, but not really there either. For what it’s worth, I’ve heard this season’s much more about the human element and drama, less about the supernatural (though it is there too, ofc).  ¯_(ツ)_/¯

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I was one of the anons talking about bly, and the last thing i wanted was to pressure you into watching. I’m really sorry if it came of like that to anyone, especially you. I avoid anything wlw that has sad or tragic endings. I am that person. Bly and Portrait being literally the only exceptions that i watched and looooved. So i get you, and respect your opinions and boundaries always, especially on the topic of wlw endings in media because i feel the exact same way about them.

Oh, don’t worry about it! It didn’t feel like that, at all. I know it takes me a while and sometimes multiple prompts to watch or do a thing, I don’t mind that at all. In this case, it didn’t really prompt me to watch or move it up my list but the tone of the messages wasn’t at all pressuring, don’t worry about it.

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Why some anons are pressuring you to watch Bly manor? If you said once that you dont want to watch,then that is it. period. At least they have to respect you. I am in the same page with you about Bly manor, i couldnt watch for same reasons. I even understand hype and everything on twitter (i support them) but sadly i feel like i am alone about not watching it. Have a nice day/night.

Oh, I don’t see it as pressuring! I take it in totally good faith, especially since mostly I’ve only said I’m not going to watch now (or soon). And I get wanting others to like what you like, I find it nice that people want to share that. And who knows, maybe I will watch it one day. I don’t tend to have feelings tooooo strong about this kind of thing, but if I did, I’d be firmer myself and then I’d expect people to follow my lead. Plus, I am choosing to answer each of these, heh.

But I do also understand how it feels when of the few BIG f/f things we get doesn’t resonate with you and you feel like you’re missing out, if not on the thing itself, then the community and experience. I feel like that too, more so earlier when I was really torn between watching and not, but now that I’m more decided, it’s like, well, I don’t want to watch, so…what are my options? Just the one, right, not watching. There’s less conflict. It is what it is and sooner or later it’ll be something else. 

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The difference with bly manor for me in terms of their ending is the fact that i never felt like dani and jamie were written for anyone other than us (and definitely not for straights) and that happens so rarely, almost never. The lesbian wrote the last episode and you could feel it. Combine that with the fact they were central to the story, the very soul of it, and you get something special. That said I understand why you don’t wanna watch it, this is just my veiw on it. Btw looove your gifs :)

Yeah, I can understand that! The feeling of even existing for the writers, let alone being the main consideration is so rare in anything with a budget, let alone a big Netflix franchise. It’s super validating! 

It’s just, you know me… Heh. And thank you so much!

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What I liked about bly manor is that finally for once there are a lot of straight people who recognize a wlw relationship. Not that it hasn’t happened before but my straight friends said that they actually cried at the ending, so it was refreshing to see that they were actually moved by a wlw plot line! It really doesn’t happen that often which is really sad

I get that but the bulk of our stories in mainstream have always* been sad precisely to inspire this sympathy in straight people. “Realistic” homophobia, whether it’s in coming out stories now or historical drama, has always been for straight people. Queer characters suffering, being separated, dying frequently, that’s constructed for their benefit already. So it is a little sad that it takes this approach for them to recognize us. 

And of course, if it’s sad enough even the straights are crying, there’s no hope for me, lol.

*ETA: Well, not always, of course first they were sad because it was a cautionary tale. I meant the ones where they’re sympathetically told. Although of course…therein lies the rub, even sympathetic stories can be cautionary. But that’s a whole different convo, I just wanted to address my inaccurate generalization.

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i sent one of the asks about THOBM and it truly was just to help you decide, i didn’t mean to make you feel pressured to watch it or anything! Because I do understand not wanting to go through that pain or not liking stories like that! Wev’e already suffered too much, there is no need to do that with fictional characters if we can avoid it. For me, though, I love suffering hahahah have a great week! xo

Oh, no worries, I just didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t appreciate people offering their input, I did. And yeah, I think…just not for me.

And another anon:

Just like you the f/f in Hill House didn’t really do much for me. Nell is what got me and the mom too. I LOVED it. I was watching with friends and sped through without them in the end. Season 2 though… Meh. It picks up after episode 5 but it’s less scary which I didn’t like and I also just didn’t… I don’t know, BELIEVE it about Dani/Jamie? Great actresses but together no spark. To me. Especially since they’re this years long love story it felt hollow? As a whole though S2 was just ok to me.

Ah, but see, I even find my memories of season 1 tainted by how sad Olivia and Nell’s endings were! I don’t just dislike BYGs for meta reasons, because of–well, all the reasons we already know, what it reflects of the creators and society, how it’s a rare glimpse of others like us, etc, but I also just dislike sad endings in general, for every other kind of story. 

I don’t actually mind it being less scary and I’ve only seen gifs and clips of Dani/Jamie, they seem cute, I don’t think that would be my objection to it. I would almost prefer not loving them, so the ending wouldn’t be so crushing.

And another anon:

You don’t have to reply to this, but I just wanted to throw in my two cents about bly manor. I absolutely found the ending tragic and sad. I’m still sad and I finished it two days ago! Yes, their relationship is beautifully done and they get a good 10 years of being together, but you know the whole time it’s only going to end in heartache. You watch it waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for me that makes it so much worse than them not getting a future at all. I get not wanting to watch it.

Right, right, I get that! I mean, I wouldn’t say no future is worse, lol, but sad endings definitely linger for me, and I don’t find them cathartic or beautiful, just sad. So I think that does decide for me, thanks for writing in!

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I have the same thing about endings as you. I loved bly manor and didn’t find the ending tragic or sad, but beautiful and transcendent, esp the last shot. And their love is portrayed as beautiful and selfless, even in death

And other spoilery asks:

the w|w couple on bly manor gets a lot of good years in between and while there isn’t exactly a happily ever after, the final scene actually has a really bittersweet moment

OK, I want to try to help you decide if you will watch Bly or not with a few spoilers! So, even though it was supposed to be a m/f pairing, it is clear they changed a bunch of things once they decided to make it f/f. Dani being gay is part of her arc and they talk about being gay. Also, Idk but to me their ending wasn’t sad? Bly kinda let’s you decide because we see them together at the end. It is the last shot! And you can decide what to take from it I think. And they do get at least a (½)

And they do get at least a decade together and we get to see this and it s very sweet. Their whole relationship is very Gothic romance, as promised, and cute and sweet. But yeah, I think you can view it as a sad ending because Dani does dies (sorta??) and Jaime is alone for a few years. But I’d argue that is nowhere near devasting as Nellie and Olivia’s fate because they were happy for so long and maybe will still be happy now (if you want to view it that way) (2/2)

I do appreciate you all giving me your input! And it did help me decide, I just…decided the other way. D: Sorry! But reading through these was like the equivalent of that coin toss method where you assign your options and as it’s up in the air, you’re hit with the clarity of knowing which option you want and in my case, don’t want. I don’t think I want to watch this. 

The vast majority of the viewer impressions have been that this is beautiful but also very sad. And I just don’t disagree with what the writer wants me to think and feel. So I will, at best, think oh, this is very beautiful AND very sad. I can’t compartmentalize and be like, well, actually, I’m going to interpret it this different way. I did that with subtext ships but what helped me suspend disbelief was knowing that we were working with a homophobic environment, that possibly they could have gone there but never would. Here…that doesn’t work.

And second, I FULLY believe you all that this IS extremely a beautiful and selfless and moving love, but that just makes it worse? What’s coming? What they had to give up? :/ The more they lost, the worse I feel for them. 😡 

I might still watch it at some point in the future, when I’m trying to build my emotional muscles, because they’re weak af, but I’m definitely putting it aside for now.

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hey, you should check out the haunting of bly manor, its good, not scary at all and super gay!

And another anon:

Are you going to watch the haunting of bly manor?

Spoilers below:

I’m not suuuure yet. I was pretty settled on not watching but then I learned something and am measuring what it means to me.

Like, okay, so ordinarily I would have just watched the show from the start, but like everyone else, even before it dropped I heard that it was going to have f/f so when it did, I immediately sought out spoilers for the end. And you know how I am about endings! I do love f/f and I love main character f/f most but even in TV form, I don’t like BAD endings, especially when they’re built to be tragic and evoke that kind of emotion from you, like, grief, loss, it’s all worth it for who you love and no! It’s not for me!

To add to that, in the first one, as much as I did love Theo, which was a lot, I didn’t really care that much about the f/f arc and my lasting impression of the show was being utterly devastated for Nell and Olivia most of all. I didn’t care about the other siblings getting their happy endings (though, again, I DID love the other two sisters especially). They just…Olivia loved her family so much and they loved her and then they all lost each other like that. And Nell, god, she just suffered her whole life, never being free from the haunting, her siblings treating her like that, and then she dies early, realizing she was the cause of her own suffering. 

So…that was actually what I was looking to be “fixed” in this one. Seeing that the Nell actress would be the lead and even Carla Gugino was returning gave me some hope, given my particular attachment to them, BUT, aside from the news that this would have f/f, we also heard that the people who weren’t happy with the first one would be happy with this one. …There are only so many ways to interpret that and I guess that’s what they decided to fix, that the generally happy ending overall was now gonna be sad.

And you know, I’ve gone back and forth on the BYG, like, apparently Jamie was first gonna be a guy, the actor who played Luke, even!, but was changed for honestly, understandable reasons, they did play twins in literally the first season of this very show. This wasn’t a case where the f/f ship got the bad end because they didn’t prioritize it enough or couldn’t think of anything else to do with them. To the writers, this was the best version of this story, what they were going to give to a m/f couple anyway. They like bittersweet gothic romance, okay. But I don’t, heh. I wouldn’t have liked it for m/f! And then I’m not sure we ARE at the point where we can just translate m/f stories directly into f/f, they’re NOT the same thing. 

I’m not like, gonna complain in general or campaign or anything, just, it all affects how I think about it. So yeah, I was deciding I wouldn’t watch but then I learned that they did actually get a good few happy years in there and now I’m considering that. That does kind of undo some of my objection, where it was like, dammit, this kid just suffers and then dies. But I’m still not sure, I just don’t liiiiike sad things. And that’s the final message they want to end on, right, the self-sacrifice, the grief, the separation, the loneliness. The Beauty in it. And I don’t really appreciate or enjoy that. Not that I can’t see it, if you’re into that sort of thing it seems just as emotional and evocative as the first. Just…not my thing.