Wait, when was it that it became obvious to you, so you stopped watching, I mean? As in, in the middle of s3 or even after, meaning you watched at least some of Clexa live and didn’t get into it or before that? Because for me it was after like the first few eps, and then I spent the next couple of years resolutely not watching even when Clexa started to take over my dash.
It’s neat to be able to take what I’ve learned about my ship tastes and preferences in the last couple of years, very much in part due to analyzing what’s worked in ships for me with anons, and see why I didn’t originally warm up to it and also why I then fell so hard for it. For me, it’s exactly as you said, I originally viewed the show as grimdark edgelord, where characters were meant to suffer. And I now know explicitly what would have just been a vague feeling then that I don’t like that, I want at least the possibility of endgame, a chance to hope. And after the s2 finale, my choice felt vindicated.
And then the news of ADC returning for s3 spread and I did have some FOMO, lol, but still thought it just wouldn’t be that kind of show, relationships would always be secondary. But the bow, man! The framing of that was so romantic, so soulmate-y. Objectively so! I love that kind of thing, all mutually transformational and pining and devoted. You’re saying you weren’t into them then?? I read a few fics at the time, I remember, mostly AU because I wanted to see where the show would go in canon instead of seeing how ficcers dealt with it (lol).
And of course that framing was why what came after was so painful, a bait and switch of the worst type, exacerbated by the underrepresented marginalized group they were leading on. I dove pretty deeply into fics then, canon and AU, and only slowly moved into other fandoms. Which fic did you read that made you get into them? And yeah, I guess they’re still big, or at least, the once and always fans who’ve returned now show how it’ll always be remembered. But man, it was something then, a singular force. I’ve never seen anything like that for f/f. But I guess if you missed out on that, you also missed out on how it all ended, which, not the worst thing!
You got kind of the best of both worlds, being able to get into it without the shock and then getting her back! I know it wasn’t her her, everyone does, the feelings are so mixed, but I think it still ended up providing a bit of closure and healing something that’d been scabbed over for four years. Part of what hurt so much then was that we knew that on every level, Lexa was something amazing, even as just a business decision, never mind as an artistic and representational character. We’re always told that part of the reason we don’t get more mainstream f/f content is that the audience support isn’t there, but it was here, critical and commercial success in every way! And yet, none of that was enough to save her, they would rather hurt the show than keep her. It was shocking and such a clear reminder of our place in the world, or so it felt. So to see her come back at the end and be treated even a little as how we always saw her, this hugely significant person to Clarke and the show and even closing off the whole series, it finally settled something in us that’d been feeling so wrong all these years. As you said, even as a loss, it felt like a win.