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I’ve been crying silently and trying to gulp down sobs for most of today. My homophobic mom has been staying with me for a few months now and I can’t let her know how affected I am by this. 

I’ve had a lot of moments like this recently, actually, because of all the onscreen fictional f/f deaths, because like I’ve said, I’ve come to terms with being a lesbian, but I’m deeply closeted and will remain so, probably for the rest of my life, and I know it’s just TV but it’s all I had. The attitude behind it is too real. And I’m so sad and resentful that I’ve had to lock this down, that I can’t just tell her why I’m upset, and I’m so angry at her, because it’s not fair, but what can either of us do? A few weeks back I just broke down sobbing in front of her and she was so worried and asking me why, again and again, “if you can’t tell your mother, who can you tell?” and it’s so suffocating and I feel so guilty because what if I’m underestimating her, but the cost of being wrong there is just so high. 

But I’m so full of anger and grief and guilt, that I’m conflating so much of this in my head, that these are real deaths and it’s not right to link them with fiction, that it was done by a Muslim, that again I’m so upset with my mother. But I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this isn’t about me, I’m sorry.

Posted on

I’ve been crying silently and trying to gulp down sobs for most of today. My homophobic mom has been staying with me for a few months now and I can’t let her know how affected I am by this. 

I’ve had a lot of moments like this recently, actually, because of all the onscreen fictional f/f deaths, because like I’ve said, I’ve come to terms with being a lesbian, but I’m deeply closeted and will remain so, probably for the rest of my life, and I know it’s just TV but it’s all I had. The attitude behind it is too real. And I’m so sad and resentful that I’ve had to lock this down, that I can’t just tell her why I’m upset, and I’m so angry at her, because it’s not fair, but what can either of us do? A few weeks back I just broke down sobbing in front of her and she was so worried and asking me why, again and again, “if you can’t tell your mother, who can you tell?” and it’s so suffocating and I feel so guilty because what if I’m underestimating her, but the cost of being wrong there is just so high. 

But I’m so full of anger and grief and guilt, that I’m conflating so much of this in my head, that these are real deaths and it’s not right to link them with fiction, that it was done by a Muslim, that again I’m so upset with my mother. But I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this isn’t about me, I’m sorry.

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Unpopular Opinions

Ignore these even more than the last one.

1. I feel bad that there are people hating on Dianna for this. Not the homophobes, no, can’t help that; bastards gotta bastard. But the rest of the people, the LGBT community. That she shouldn’t have worn it because she doesn’t know what it feels like. I hate that freaking us vs them attitude so much.

Would I have loved to see her come out? Yes. Would I have loved to see Achele confirmed? Yes. But she did something extremely supportive that she did not in the least have to do, something that will probably only hurt her reputation and career, and she did it from such pure intentions! Can you imagine the depth of her feelings to put on the shirt and then spill her feelings on Tumblr as she did?

And I hate hate hate that there are people who would actually criticize her for this. When she did it with so much hope and optimism and feeling.

2. I’m not really liking Dexter as much as I thought I would.


Posted on

Unpopular Opinions

Ignore these even more than the last one.

1. I feel bad that there are people hating on Dianna for this. Not the homophobes, no, can’t help that; bastards gotta bastard. But the rest of the people, the LGBT community. That she shouldn’t have worn it because she doesn’t know what it feels like. I hate that freaking us vs them attitude so much.

Would I have loved to see her come out? Yes. Would I have loved to see Achele confirmed? Yes. But she did something extremely supportive that she did not in the least have to do, something that will probably only hurt her reputation and career, and she did it from such pure intentions! Can you imagine the depth of her feelings to put on the shirt and then spill her feelings on Tumblr as she did?

And I hate hate hate that there are people who would actually criticize her for this. When she did it with so much hope and optimism and feeling.

2. I’m not really liking Dexter as much as I thought I would.