“The problem isn’t that the movie isn’t clear enough about the point or that people missed it, it’s that they think she brought this on herself.” wow you really hit the nail on the head. because it’s not like harper was closeted in every aspect of her life but this situation back home is a product of years of toxic expectations and homophobic comments from her parents that she is trying to break out of. but it’s fucking HARD to grapple with the idea of your parents choosing to stop loving you.

Yes, truly! I think there’s such a specific set of circumstances that goes into creating someone like Harper, someone who’s not just closeted but also extremely aware of the image her parents want to project and expect from her, to a degree that clearly hurts them all, AND that she wants to stay within that. Is it just love, is it a dependency, is it many things at once…

I’ve seen people who were simply like, her family sucks, she should just be rid of them. As you said, really confronting and coming to terms with the fact that their love for you isn’t unconditional, that this might be the thing that breaks your relationship, even as you still love them, it’s a really difficult thing and different for everyone. And obviously a lot of people do leave (or get kicked out), we have a whole found family concept specific to us because of that, and maybe that goes into it as well, as in, why is she trying so hard to stay? It’s almost a betrayal of sorts?

Taking that back to closeted people in general, I guess to some it feels a choice? Away from the community?  I’ve seen people say Harper’s choosing access to power (???) by staying closeted, I’ve seen people call her straight, I’ve seen people completely accept that the Caldwells are abusive as a reason they don’t want them around Abby and not caring at all about the three daughters actually raised in that environment. And a lot more. While I don’t like it, at least I can better understand where a lot of the response is coming from.