Same! I wondered if she meant she’d realized it but still felt she owed it to him or maybe worthless without those achievements and it made her angrier, but no, I don’t think so. I think she’s just…on the brink of getting it, really emotional and worked up and frustrated but still feeling defensive on his behalf and thus angry at her mom and, because she tried to comfort her and so makes it more real, Carina. If she had really followed the realization through, that wouldn’t have been the end of the scene, no way, and Carina wouldn’t have left. We still have a ways to go. 😡
And yeah, this show does so much that’s convenient, which, of course, it is a very dramatic TV show, but that makes it feel a little inorganic sometimes. Things start happening in a way that best serves each neatly divided plot arc, not just Maya suddenly facing all these elements designed to make her lose it at once, but like how Sullivan now can’t read Andy’s discomfort at all, all the better to serve whatever new arc they have coming up. But they’ve actually given Maya a pretty long arc, remember the flashback ep with her father was the one in which she and Carina met, so everything else, the truck meltdown and the panic attack and now this happened after that. And I always forget to include the therapy session because it doesn’t feel as much like her losing control, but matter-of-factly talking about how death seems like a relief is dangerously close to…something. Kind of surprised Diane didn’t seek a follow up with her, especially given that her issues didn’t seem related to Rigo’s death or even the stress of being a firefighter captain.
I kind of don’t want things to get far enough where Carina has to speak up, but I think we can all see the trajectory this is on. Maya pulling her hand away hurt, definitely, although in that moment I felt worse for her, but when she first walked in and was like what’s going on here, eesh. Carina took it in stride and tried to lighten the mood but Maya’s tone had been rough. Her mom brought up some traumatic feelings earlier and she carried them into the fire and was that much more keyed up by the time it was over but like. You can’t take your feelings out on whoever happens to be there.