I’ve been like that, sometimes, when something particularly shocking or egregious happens (2016, or that period this year with like four deaths in a week?) but I’m the opposite right now.
When things are going well, as they mostly have been recently, I love the feeling of seeing good new gay content and being validated like that. I want more of it, I watch even more things to try to find it again (which I understand is basically just chasing the high from a previous hyperfixation, but…there we are.)
And I really am very grateful to the shows that did well this year, Killjoys, Atypical, Juliantina, having that good ending to come back to is such a valuable reminder that there are talented people with resources who will, given the chance, actually do right by us. Because every particularly bad moment feels like the opposite, right, not just hurting a fictional character but a reflecting a world that at best is cruelly apathetic to our uniquely underrepresented and isolated status.
I’ll probably retreat like you did, though, when I hit a bad end on something nnew I’m particularly invested in, but for quite a few shows this season I’ve basically said to myself, I’m expecting something bad but until I get it, I’m going to enjoy as much of this ride as I can, because I have all those good experiences foremost at my back, and I actually haven’t been let down (except for freaking Harlots, which managed to kill the OTHER character, the one who I thought was surely safe). Obviously, this only works when shows end up surprising you, but somehow it’s been happening a fair amount, and the very knowledge that it’s that rare makes everything it even better. Hopefully, it’ll happen more and more often, and in more and more shows. Being able to jump into something else after a disappointment and dilute my investment in any one particular show has been really helpful too.